Removing the masks

Something’s been building in me and it’s this desire–really, more like a lion’s ROAR!–demanding I remove ALL THE MASKS that I wear. To let it flow. To be 1000% authentically me in every interaction whether with my family or friends or colleagues or strangers at the supermarket.

When we put on a mask we cut ourselves off from source. When we wear the mask we lower our vibration to meet those around us in a desire to fit in, not realizing that we are love and don’t need to seek it from anyone outside of ourselves.

For a long time many of my masks have involved hiding my spirituality and the wisdom of the teachings that have been shared with me. In hiding the teachings I dishonor them, and I don’t want to do that anymore.

What are the masks you are tired of wearing? Let’s toss them into a great bonfire and light up the skies with our freedom!

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Some advice from my future self (aka “old fart Sarah”)

Image from Instagram account @roseunfolding

You worry too much. Live out loud. Your thighs look great. Stop wondering about what will unfold. It’s all beautiful. Trust. You are a badass. Play! Don’t wait until you are an old wrinkled coot to play and be crazy. Try some pottery. Get some new lipstick for crying out loud! You are doing it my dear you are. You are me. You are magic. I believe in you.

Love,

Old fart Sarah

(I wrote this as an Artist’s Way exercise where we had to ask our future self for some advice. Pretty sure future me is way more badass than current me. I definitely want to grow up to be her! What would your wise crone share with you?)

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My How You’ve Grown!

The other day Facebook popped up a photo for me to share from three years ago. The photo was taken two months before my mom died.

Look at this baby! I thought. Oh, and my toddler has grown a lot in the meantime too.

I look at this younger, much more innocent version of myself and think, honey, hold on. You have a wild ride ahead of you.

A wild-ride indeed. I’ve grown up. While the hard-fought life lessons may have come from circumstances I would never have asked for, I am grateful for where I have arrived. Grief cracked open my heart. (And gave me gray hairs, but that is beside the point.)

I feel like I’m coming into my own and damn does it feel good. I’m almost forty and I couldn’t be happier. It is like when I approached thirty–I was ready to say good riddance to my twenties. Well, same now.

I feel like I am in my prime. 

Oh, how my twenty-two year old self would have laughed at that!

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Twenty-year-old-self to Forty-Year-old-self.

Not surprisingly, standing in these nearly-over-the-hill shoes brings new perspective. I realized the other day that I am only five years younger than my mom was when she was diagnosed with the big C.

Womp, womp. Way to burst the happy bubble right?

Realizing this  has given me even more gratitude AND made me appreciate my mom in new ways. I remember her at that age and she seemed so…WISE. Grounded. She knew who she was.

And damn, she had a fantastic wardrobe. I know that sounds funny but the woman set the bar HIGH. It is seriously time to up my game.

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I would write more but my three-year-old is plucking leaves off a succulent plant. My husband is trying to convince her to ride her tricycle but now she has decided to roll the giant watermelon we bought yesterday. That would be my clue to wrap things up.

Life is good. But I also have a feeling when I’m staring down fifty, I will laugh and think, oh my little Sarah, how you have GROWN!

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Image source.