“I bet the lake is frozen and the alligators are all at the bottom wrapped in blankets!”
There aren’t any alligators in Michigan. It’s too cold!
“I bet the alligators all got on a plane and said, let’s go to Florida!”
“Are there penguins in Michigan?”
No. It’s cold but not that cold.
Upon seeing snow outside the airport, before grabbing a handful to make a snowball: “Are there any snakes in the snow?”
Thank goodness no! [YOU MIGHT HAVE GROWN UP IN FLORIDA IF YOU CHECK FOR SNAKES BEFORE PLUNGING YOUR HAND IN WATERY SUBSTANCES.]
p.s. My website was down recently because it is December and my mind is all about making cookies and buying gifts before I have to upgrade to expedited shipping. Oops. We are now back up at www.mourningdovemotherhood.com 😀 Thanks for your patience!
- Wake up to child staring you in the face.
- Curse as you realize your spouse is fleeing to the spare bedroom.
- Cajole child into chasing down other parent.
- Hide under covers.
- Yell across house to “remind” spouse he has dodged early wake-up approximately 1,572 times this week.
- Cheer for joy as spouse gets up with child.
- Run to spare bedroom.
- Wake up to see child staring at you while holding a toilet bowl brush.
- Reassure your child that yes, they can clean the toilet this morning as promised last night. (WEIRDO CHILD.)
- Yell across house to tell spouse to help child clean toilet.
- Wait for it. . . spouse can’t find the toilet bowl cleaner. Yell the location of the cleaner.
- Discover a dog has joined you in the bed. Realize soon it will be a child.
- Get up and lock door.
- Wait for it. . .child wails upon discovering door is locked.
- Wait two additional minutes for child to return to tell you “Daddy is making you coffee!” A SNEAKY PLOY TO GET YOU UP.
- Lie in bed wide awake smelling coffee.
- Admit defeat.
Happy Saturday morning! At least I have a clean toilet AND coffee!
Did I miss any steps? Share your own. Solidarity sisters.
Just a few of the questions being asked lately by the resident 4-year old :
Do grasshoppers have ears? (Yes, on their legs apparently, according to my husband-scientist)
Why don’t they play more Queen Beyoncé on the radio? (I hear you and I have no answers to this)
What is God? (WHERE DID THIS COME FROM…ASK ME ABOUT GRASSHOPPERS)
How do my eyes see you? (Ask daddy-scientist)
Does the brain tell me to eat (yes)
And then my one question to her, after ranting for ten minutes straight about Trump:
Me: Do you think I like or don’t like President Trump?
4-year-old: You like him!
(Uh huh. . .sure I do. At least she won’t be reporting me to dear leader and sending me to a re-education camp!)
- Rush home from pre-school, grab your mother and pull her into her bedroom. Dogs are allowed to stay. Dads are not!
- Get on the bed and lay down on a pillow, telling your mother in a conspiring tone, “we need to lay here to talk about SURPRISING* DADDY!” Cross your adorable little feet. Watch your mom’s heart melt.
- Ask your mom to purchase a “pinn-atta” and declare that you will fill it with “all the candy!” Decide that purchasing two pinn-attas might be a good idea. (More candy, which you will eat! Cackle with delight.)
- Remind your mother approximately 1,546 times that you need to make a cake. Offer to help blow out candles. Decide that chocolate ice cream must be purchased.
- In hushed tones, tell your mother to hide your rainbow drawings from preschool. They are a surprise for daddy’s birthday!
- Repeat daily until your father’s birthday. (Currently twelve days away.)
*There is no surprise party, but don’t let this detail derail any and all plans for surprises. The more surprises the better! Same goes for pinn-attas. And candy. And cake. Speaking of cake, did you remind your mom to make a cake??!
I made the mistake a few weeks ago of making bunny-shaped pancakes at Easter and now my four-year-old thinks I’m capable of great pancake feats. Hence her request today for a “horse-shaped” pancake. She even wanted it to have “nooves” (she was struggling to remember the word hooves.)
Well, my lil’ cowgirl running around naked in her red cowboy boots was too hard to say no to. I cautioned that the hooves might be a level of detail not capable with the pancake medium. She shrugged and was like, ok but please still make a horse pancake?
You all, this might be stating the obvious but it’s hard to make pancakes look like horses.
Me to kid: here is your horse pancake! Just know that it kind of sort of looks like a horsey.
Kid: I see it!
Me (not believing her): yeah!?Where do you think the tail is?
Listen you guys, she found the “tail”!
UPDATE: I forgot to add that after she ate her pancake she brought over a plastic toy horse and said, “Mommy, this is what a horse looks like!” Like I didn’t know. Like my pancake didn’t look like a horse or something.