Thank you for making me a woman

Creator, thank you for making me a woman!

A woman who can birth worlds! Realities! Children! Hopes, dreams, possibilities

A woman who can heal herself, transmute emotions, stare into darkness and find the diamonds hidden within.

The woman who can die and be reborn, over and over again

The woman who can rebuild the world with sisters, true and pure

The woman who can see and feel other possibilities, who can foretell the future and visit the past, healing and leaving flowers for herself and others

The woman who dares to remove her mask! To be raw, naked, true, free…to show a new way for the human being!

The powerful powerful woman who has remained hidden and is ready to rise!

Happy international women’s day! Women, it is our time! I believe in you my beloved sisters. The world needs us: balanced, healed, whole…we can do this.

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Doing the shadow work and facing the dark feminine

Earlier this week I was part of a video chat with my spiritual sisterhood to talk about what it means to face the dark feminine energy and do shadow work. You can watch our video here!

What is the dark feminine? She’s the shadow side of our authentic being which is a body of light, and thus she is very powerful… that is, until we bring her into our conscious awareness. The moment you bring it forward—no cover ups!—is the moment the dark feminine loses any grip on you!

Being a woman in patriarchy is being raised to be the dark feminine… if you go for the programming that is. We are told to be “nice” girls, to sit pretty and keep our mouth shut. (Keep things hidden… engage in cover-ups.) We are raised to be copy cats in every way—the dark feminine can’t be original. She’s afraid of walking her own path. Think about the schooling you may have experienced if you grew up in the United States: copy this art project exactly! Follow this way of thinking exactly! OBEY!

The dark feminine loves gossip, she has low self esteem and envies others. She’s obsessed with the world of form and identifies with it. She doesn’t see herself as sacred. She manipulates through her sexuality. She believes she has no power and is a victim. She runs to the system to protect her and she thrives in white supremacy.

Think of the darkness the United States was founded on: take what isn’t yours and then co-opt their traditions and beliefs as your own, as long as it doesn’t disrupt notions of whiteness and capitalism.

The dark feminine doesn’t believe in true sisterhood. She tears it down. She’s afraid to be herself and trust other women. And yet there are no feminine ways without the sisterhood… so we must work together to heal ourselves and our sisterhood to understand that another way is possible.

Take a look at our video if you are interested in learning more about understanding and transmuting this energy. If you want to learn more about our sisterhood, visit Magdalas.com.

Believing in you

There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt that vulnerability was a weakness to overcome. Not so. I see my strength in my vulnerability.

What I’ve realized is that a lot of my inner work was removing the brushes and brambles that were getting in the way of truly seeing and hearing the part of me that is connected to source. Like when you garden and so many of those fast-growing weeds take over, you can’t truly see the glorious plant hiding behind all the distractions. Once you remove it you can see clearly. Once you start to see clearly, you are much more aware when a weed pops up and you remove it swiftly.

There comes a point where it’s no longer a debate about whether you can trust in you. It is not an arrogance or a hubris but a quiet strength and inner-knowing. Of course you can do it. You were born for this.

If you aren’t there yet, just keep swimming my friend! You will eventually get there. It takes work and perseverance. I believe in you! But like my beautiful spiritual mother always says, it’s not whether I believe in you…do you believe in you?

“Awakening – Leap of Faith” – beautiful art by Holly Sierra Artwork available for purchase on Etsy

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The greatest help

The greatest help we can give to others is doing the work to reach ourselves.

We can’t control what others project onto us, but we can determine what we send into the world. When we are our own best friend we are able to heal, transmute, align, and BE who we came here to be.

It’s easy to get lost in the hall of mirrors when you look for the answers outside of yourself, or try to “fix” or “help” others. What you need to address is within.

When you reach yourself you become an example to others who are seeking the same within themselves. And that is truly a help.

Beautiful art by https://www.cristinaacosta.com/

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We are in between places

Can you feel it? A pause between old and new, about to leap, about to step into a new era? No longer in the old world but not quite fully embracing the new. (Though it is here!)

Our beautiful planet and universe cycles onward, one era coming to an end as another just beginning.

The end of an epoch of pain and separation. A world of falsity, of masks, of programming that in every way was designed for us to stray from the truth of who we are for real. A paradigm that was rooted in separateness and lack, an “upside-down world” as I’ve been told in meditation! A place that says we are never enough and must find love outside ourselves…

We are being asked to leap into the new! A world of unity. A world that celebrates what we can do with a unified heart. A world that honors the uniqueness of all the creations – including you – but never at the expense of the whole. An era of remembering who we really are – love, the daughter and sons of source – and divine co-creators in this beautiful adventure of life.

It may feel scary — the unknown can be a scary place. But we have nothing to fear. We know how to do this – it’s in our DNA. In fact, we were born for this.

While I tend to be someone who embraces change with gusto, I’ve certainly had times where unknown freaked me out. In my spiritual path I’ve had to face the grief that comes with the shedding of the old — even when the old stink, stank, stunk! Still had to grieve it. Still felt a little sad parting with my old, dysfunctional bits. But ultimately it was worth it, every single damn time. And as many times I can remember when the new was scary, I can also recall sooooo many times when leaps into the void delivered amazing fantastical gifts. Leaps I wouldn’t regret in a million years.

When things get hard and even feel a little scary, remember the times in your own life when leaping into the unknown ultimately paid off.

You can do it. We can do it, together.

Letting go

Letting go of ideas of who you think you are (so much grander than you imagined, so much more infinite.)

Letting go of all the false; the story you tell about yourself and why things are as they are, and why you are destined to this or that. You are not.

Letting go of the beliefs that kept you small and hidden from who you truly are!

Letting go of everything that stands in the way of seeing the truth of things.

Are you ready to let go?

The magic that happens in flow (aka a story of some green paint)

I have been noticing a new balance in myself where I’m able to not overthink things. Letting go of controlling life, not holding it with obsessive grip. The phrase “Let the light be!” comes to mind. (A phrase that stumped me the first time I heard it. A sign I definitely was NOT letting it be!)

So yesterday I was thinking, I want some color in my family room. No more gray walls (side note: what does it say about the American psyche that gray became the go-to neutral in modern design? I digress). Back to my painting plans. I wanted a mint green color. Fresh and spring-ey! This idea brewed for a couple days. Then yesterday I noticed my bathroom is the exact color I desire. You would think the person who painted it that color less than a year ago would have remembered but alas she did not.

I had a good half gallon left off the color. I was home by myself with about an hour to myself with no plans. Being utterly wild and crazy, I went to the garage and grabbed the paint, found a brush, and just started painting. Right then and there without Pinterest boards and plans and —imagine this—not even knowing if it would look good! If I didn’t I would just paint over it, I thought to myself.

Writing this out it sounds like a big fat “so what” is warranted. But there was a certain magic that happened from the moment I was inspired to have green walls, and the delightful discovery I actually owned the exact color I wanted, and then just doing it, not stopping myself, not pumping the brakes. In some areas of my life this is not a struggle, but in expressing myself outwardly to the world, for a loooing time I hid or held back, overthought or overmanaged, not trusting and overthinking every tiny little choice. Not any more.

I’ve done a lot of inner work to bring my heart and mind in harmony and I’m seeing where it’s paying off in my ways of being in the world.

Finding the balance of masculine and feminine energies in ourselves —yin and yang, right brain and left brain, however you want to put it—isn’t about heart without mind, or mind without heart, or mind overpowering the heart or heart overpowering mind, but the two working in harmony together. A succinct concept but not a simple one, especially in a world of patriarchy, a failed experiment in the mind overpowering the heart at all costs.

Are there areas you struggle to dance life and find yourself putting on the brakes? Are there areas you can trust yourself more?

(I’m almost done painting by the way and I love how it turned out. Might go crazy and—gasp—draw some pretty designs on my wall, inspired by this cool instagrammer saw in a magazine! Why does it feel so rebellious and delightful to draw on a wall? Gonna let my inner two year old loose!)

“Dear universe: can you stop sending me so many @!!holes to deal with…”

“Dear universe: can you stop sending me so many @!!holes to deal with. I’m very tired of some of the actors who’ve been sent to interact with me in my hologram. I’d like to request some recasting or maybe even fun guest stars or scene changes! Thank you for your attention to this matter. Sincerely, Sarah.”

Oh goody! A response. That was quick! Let’s see what it says:

“Request denied. Life lessons in progress; see: honing skills in entrega (surrender)”.

Hmmm….there must be a mistake, how do I appeal this? Oh, here’s some fine print on the back:

  • “Did you really think we’d have an appeal process? Own your power, align with the one who created you, you got this!”

Ok, I see how you’re gonna play. Fine. One star review coming your way….

  • “Review feature currently disabled. We are not interested in your ego’s review of the situation.”

—-> Do you have any complaints that have been rejected like mine? Let me know how your your requests are being received because this is getting ridiculous!

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Thoughts on honor

Honor is a revelation my teacher tells me.

If I look to the outside–the male way–and I see people dishonoring me, this can be mirror to my interior.*

If the people dishonoring me are men, it’s easy to point the finger at misogyny. But where is that inside myself?

Where do I belittle the still knowing voice inside me that speaks for the highest good of everyone? Where do I ignore her, speak over her, or try to control her? Certainly I see this behavior in the outside world all the time – but where am I doing it inside myself? (This looking inside me, this is the feminine way.)

Honor is a revelation. Once I honor this voice, and embody her truth, everything changes outside me too.

*My teacher also taught me about the concept of reflection and refraction. Sometimes the outer is pointing to your own inner stuff–but sometimes it’s not. You know, not your circus, not your monkeys.

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Back where I started, but in a new place

If you’ve ever doubted the ability for a person to heal themselves, I invite you to look at this blog as exhibit A, B, and C (and D, and E…there aren’t enough letters!) for a person’s ability to transmute their pain. When I started this blog I didn’t know that was the purpose but in hindsight that’s exactly what I was I was doing. Healing myself by shining light into all the dark bits. Over and over again, leaving no rock unturned! I didn’t know the term entrega when I started writing, but that was precisely the power I was calling upon in myself when I decided to start writing–the surrender of ego and willingness to listen to the deep, dark silence and hear the true voice of myself whispering, “write…just five minutes a day. Start there.”

Write I did! I did so much transmuting. Looking back, it’s astonishing as many of you came along for the ride as you did. It’s not what you would call a pretty process now is it?! Writing about miscarriage, loss, trauma, and other heavy stuff. And yet you joined along and many of you passed along pivotal messages and support that helped me through some very dark nights.

This past week brought me full circle, or maybe spiral is a better term, because I have definitely moved up that spiral of life, revisiting it all with new perspectives and understandings. Hopefully learning the lesson each time so I don’t have to repeat them! I’ve jokingly said I’ve died a thousand deaths in the span of seven years but it’s damn near true.

In 2014 I believed the voice I heard on that day pleading with the universe at the stinky beach was something outside of myself. Yesterday, January 29th 2021, I meditated and heard her voice again, and wouldn’t you know she implored me to once again to write for five minutes a day.

I’ve learned it’s definitely wise to heed her voice–and her voice is actually my true voice, I now know–and for me to ignore it would be a huge dishonoring to her, myself, and to you! Which are really one. So, I’m back baby. Five minutes a day. The world is a very different place. My own personal hellish year was 2016-2017, when everyone was flying high and 2020 was just a random vague year in the future. This past year has brought its challenges no doubt, but I weathered them fantastically well considering it all. And yet I stayed silent, not sharing what I’ve learned. It’s time to change that!

I’m back here again, only this time not to transmute but to plant seeds. Some may bloom, others may not. It’s up to the wind to carry them wherever they are meant to go and that’s out of my hands. But I know one of my purposes in life is to spread the seeds of teachings I’ve been given, and this is my tiny start. I hope you enjoy the journey. May it be full of joy and curiosity, love and raw honesty. Blessings and I’ll see you here tomorrow, my butt in the seat for five minutes once again. 😉

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Believing in you

There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt thatContinue reading “Believing in you”