Believing in you

There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt that vulnerability was a weakness to overcome. Not so. I see my strength in my vulnerability.

What I’ve realized is that a lot of my inner work was removing the brushes and brambles that were getting in the way of truly seeing and hearing the part of me that is connected to source. Like when you garden and so many of those fast-growing weeds take over, you can’t truly see the glorious plant hiding behind all the distractions. Once you remove it you can see clearly. Once you start to see clearly, you are much more aware when a weed pops up and you remove it swiftly.

There comes a point where it’s no longer a debate about whether you can trust in you. It is not an arrogance or a hubris but a quiet strength and inner-knowing. Of course you can do it. You were born for this.

If you aren’t there yet, just keep swimming my friend! You will eventually get there. It takes work and perseverance. I believe in you! But like my beautiful spiritual mother always says, it’s not whether I believe in you…do you believe in you?

“Awakening – Leap of Faith” – beautiful art by Holly Sierra Artwork available for purchase on Etsy

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The greatest help

The greatest help we can give to others is doing the work to reach ourselves.

We can’t control what others project onto us, but we can determine what we send into the world. When we are our own best friend we are able to heal, transmute, align, and BE who we came here to be.

It’s easy to get lost in the hall of mirrors when you look for the answers outside of yourself, or try to “fix” or “help” others. What you need to address is within.

When you reach yourself you become an example to others who are seeking the same within themselves. And that is truly a help.

Beautiful art by https://www.cristinaacosta.com/

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We are called to be tiger warriors

Contrary to what you might imagine based on the title of this blog, I am NOT a fan of “love and light” when it comes to spiritual work. My entire spiritual path has been one of deep, transformative shadow work: staring into the dark corners and finding the light hidden within. Spiritual bypassing is the opposite – the idea that we are all “love and light” and therefore need to “keep our vibes high!” The risk of this thinking is that you avoid the intense shadow work necessary to help you and other to grow and evolve spiritually. You also risk letting your shadow rule you if you are unwilling to face it directly. (One example that reaaaaallly gets my goat – the idea that “we all just need to come together and see our unity!” and erase the concerns of BIPOC voices. You see this a lot in spiritual circles. HELL NO! to this.)

In this time and space we’re being called to embrace our inner tiger warrior. I learned about the tiger warriors from my spiritual mother/teacher Magdala Ramirez. The Tiger Warriors are part of the Mayan/Aztec lineage and were trained to understand that we live in a world of “smoky mirrors” that is here to teach us lessons, though it can also easily trick us rule us if we don’t stay vigilant. (See that link for a great book she wrote about the smoky mirror.) It’s always a choice how you respond to the darkness of shame, guilt, fear. The tiger warrior is one who understands their emotional triggers and doesn’t let them rule them. They hunt them down and transmute the wounds, or simply discard the outdated beliefs that no longer belong.

May you embody the tiger warrior and face your shadow with courage and strength. May you hold onto the knowledge that you are LOVE and prepare to kick to the curb the stories that deny this truth. May you observe your emotional reactions and not be ruled by them. May you call upon the part of you who knows how to do this and ask for their guidance. I believe in you! Be strong, warriors of light!

Aztec warriors as depicted in the Codex Mendoza at URL: https://www.ancientpages.com/2016/03/28/fearsome-aztec-eagle-warriors-and-jaguar-warriors-of-mesoamerica/

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Help is just a text away

My husband introduced me to a series of fine literature called the Bathroom Readers. I will admit I judged this book by its cover and assumed them to be crass and tasteless. I was wrong! They are full of “random factiness” (their phrase) and today I read about a very cool resource I wanted to share! (Omg just please don’t picture me on the toilet😳)

https://www.crisistextline.org – crisis text support by DoSomething.org

Dosomething.or started a free text support line for teens but there was such demand that they opened it up to anyone in need. So many have struggled with mental health during covid. I’m sharing this in case you need support or know someone who does.

More at:

https://www.dosomething.org/us/about/hotline-list

The following is straight from their website. Be safe and well, friends.

Worried about a friend? Dealing with some issues of your own? There are trained people who can help.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 or your local police station.

General Crisis Support by Text

Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741 (24/7). Our trained counselors can discuss anything that’s on your mind. Free, 24/7, confidential.

Other Hotlines

Depression & Suicide The Trevor ProjectCall 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST)

Dating Abuse & Domestic Violenceloveisrespect Call 1-866-331-9474 (24/7)Chat Online with loveisrespect (7 days/week, 5:00 PM to 3:00 AM EST) or text loveis to 22522

National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-7233 (24/7) Email the National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7) RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Call 1-800-656-4673 (24/7) Live Chat with RAINN (24/7)

Child Abuse Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline Call 1-800-422-4453 (24/7)National Safe Place Text SAFE and your current location to the number 69866 (24/7)

Runaways, Homeless, and At-Risk Youth National Runaway Safeline Call 1-800-786-2929 (24/7) Live Chat 7 days/week, 4:30 to 11:30 PM CST Home Free Family reunification program provides free bus tickets to eligible runaway and homeless youth.

The magic that happens in flow (aka a story of some green paint)

I have been noticing a new balance in myself where I’m able to not overthink things. Letting go of controlling life, not holding it with obsessive grip. The phrase “Let the light be!” comes to mind. (A phrase that stumped me the first time I heard it. A sign I definitely was NOT letting it be!)

So yesterday I was thinking, I want some color in my family room. No more gray walls (side note: what does it say about the American psyche that gray became the go-to neutral in modern design? I digress). Back to my painting plans. I wanted a mint green color. Fresh and spring-ey! This idea brewed for a couple days. Then yesterday I noticed my bathroom is the exact color I desire. You would think the person who painted it that color less than a year ago would have remembered but alas she did not.

I had a good half gallon left off the color. I was home by myself with about an hour to myself with no plans. Being utterly wild and crazy, I went to the garage and grabbed the paint, found a brush, and just started painting. Right then and there without Pinterest boards and plans and —imagine this—not even knowing if it would look good! If I didn’t I would just paint over it, I thought to myself.

Writing this out it sounds like a big fat “so what” is warranted. But there was a certain magic that happened from the moment I was inspired to have green walls, and the delightful discovery I actually owned the exact color I wanted, and then just doing it, not stopping myself, not pumping the brakes. In some areas of my life this is not a struggle, but in expressing myself outwardly to the world, for a loooing time I hid or held back, overthought or overmanaged, not trusting and overthinking every tiny little choice. Not any more.

I’ve done a lot of inner work to bring my heart and mind in harmony and I’m seeing where it’s paying off in my ways of being in the world.

Finding the balance of masculine and feminine energies in ourselves —yin and yang, right brain and left brain, however you want to put it—isn’t about heart without mind, or mind without heart, or mind overpowering the heart or heart overpowering mind, but the two working in harmony together. A succinct concept but not a simple one, especially in a world of patriarchy, a failed experiment in the mind overpowering the heart at all costs.

Are there areas you struggle to dance life and find yourself putting on the brakes? Are there areas you can trust yourself more?

(I’m almost done painting by the way and I love how it turned out. Might go crazy and—gasp—draw some pretty designs on my wall, inspired by this cool instagrammer saw in a magazine! Why does it feel so rebellious and delightful to draw on a wall? Gonna let my inner two year old loose!)

Shine on you beautiful soul!

You, my friend, are a divine spark. You are LOVE! ❤️❤️❤️

The system defines your worth in relation to the outside—status, degrees, consumption, skin color, sex. It tells you to relate through pain and suffering. Victims and predators. Biases and separation. That’s all hogwash.

Your worth is inherent. Your true body is a body of light. When you can honor it in yourself, you can honor it in others. The system falls from within when you see it holds no meaning. What we see shaking on the outside is a reflection of the shaking on the inside—the realization that it’s all forking bullshirt!

What the world needs now is love sweet love!

Love in its pure form – all the distorted beliefs within yourself dropped.

Love in its freedom– the heart aligned with the mind, working together in harmony, discernment and expression together!

Love unshackled from pain – the small heart–the one that’s felt so many losses, pains, betrayals–healed by the higher heart connected to source.

Love sweet love.

Image source: https://www.123greetings.com/love/love_etc/sweet_love.html

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Bringing order to chaos

As the feminine energy rises, anything distorted in our lives will be thrown into most obvious chaos. The call is for us to heal the distortion and bring her back into balance in ourselves. The outer will follow.

My own tendency when life is thrown into chaos–and it’s happened plenty of times, 2018 being a particularly doozy–is to desperately cling to that outer world falling apart and try to “fix it.” Speaking of 2018, I remember a desperate phone call that year to my spiritual mother explaining the SEVERE anxiety my then five-year-old was experiencing. She said, mijita, your daughter is feeling you. She’s feeling your pain. DAMN. No mother wants to hear that they are the cause of their child’s suffering, and yet don’t you know that she was correct. I did some intense inner work, healing, transmuting and sure enough my daughter responded in kind. The anxiety practically disappeared over night.

Patriarchy has told us that the way to resolving any conflict is through the outside, but the feminine ways teach us to go inward and then bring those truths out. Our world is in chaos because humans are in chaos. As we each do our work we’ll create a ripple that brings alignment back to ourselves and our communities.

Thoughts on honor

Honor is a revelation my teacher tells me.

If I look to the outside–the male way–and I see people dishonoring me, this can be mirror to my interior.*

If the people dishonoring me are men, it’s easy to point the finger at misogyny. But where is that inside myself?

Where do I belittle the still knowing voice inside me that speaks for the highest good of everyone? Where do I ignore her, speak over her, or try to control her? Certainly I see this behavior in the outside world all the time – but where am I doing it inside myself? (This looking inside me, this is the feminine way.)

Honor is a revelation. Once I honor this voice, and embody her truth, everything changes outside me too.

*My teacher also taught me about the concept of reflection and refraction. Sometimes the outer is pointing to your own inner stuff–but sometimes it’s not. You know, not your circus, not your monkeys.

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Back where I started, but in a new place

If you’ve ever doubted the ability for a person to heal themselves, I invite you to look at this blog as exhibit A, B, and C (and D, and E…there aren’t enough letters!) for a person’s ability to transmute their pain. When I started this blog I didn’t know that was the purpose but in hindsight that’s exactly what I was I was doing. Healing myself by shining light into all the dark bits. Over and over again, leaving no rock unturned! I didn’t know the term entrega when I started writing, but that was precisely the power I was calling upon in myself when I decided to start writing–the surrender of ego and willingness to listen to the deep, dark silence and hear the true voice of myself whispering, “write…just five minutes a day. Start there.”

Write I did! I did so much transmuting. Looking back, it’s astonishing as many of you came along for the ride as you did. It’s not what you would call a pretty process now is it?! Writing about miscarriage, loss, trauma, and other heavy stuff. And yet you joined along and many of you passed along pivotal messages and support that helped me through some very dark nights.

This past week brought me full circle, or maybe spiral is a better term, because I have definitely moved up that spiral of life, revisiting it all with new perspectives and understandings. Hopefully learning the lesson each time so I don’t have to repeat them! I’ve jokingly said I’ve died a thousand deaths in the span of seven years but it’s damn near true.

In 2014 I believed the voice I heard on that day pleading with the universe at the stinky beach was something outside of myself. Yesterday, January 29th 2021, I meditated and heard her voice again, and wouldn’t you know she implored me to once again to write for five minutes a day.

I’ve learned it’s definitely wise to heed her voice–and her voice is actually my true voice, I now know–and for me to ignore it would be a huge dishonoring to her, myself, and to you! Which are really one. So, I’m back baby. Five minutes a day. The world is a very different place. My own personal hellish year was 2016-2017, when everyone was flying high and 2020 was just a random vague year in the future. This past year has brought its challenges no doubt, but I weathered them fantastically well considering it all. And yet I stayed silent, not sharing what I’ve learned. It’s time to change that!

I’m back here again, only this time not to transmute but to plant seeds. Some may bloom, others may not. It’s up to the wind to carry them wherever they are meant to go and that’s out of my hands. But I know one of my purposes in life is to spread the seeds of teachings I’ve been given, and this is my tiny start. I hope you enjoy the journey. May it be full of joy and curiosity, love and raw honesty. Blessings and I’ll see you here tomorrow, my butt in the seat for five minutes once again. 😉

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Believing in you

There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt thatContinue reading “Believing in you”

The greatest help

The greatest help we can give to others is doing the work to reach ourselves. We can’t control what others project onto us, but we can determine what we send into the world. When we are our own best friend we are able to heal, transmute, align, and BE who we came here to be.Continue reading “The greatest help”