I’d like to think that the truck full of young males headed to a landscaping job, sitting idle next to me at a stoplight, were cracking up at my dance moves because they were wowed by them and impressed by this forty-something’s swagger.
But I’m pretty sure they thought I looked like Elaine from Seinfeld.
“Mom, this is why I ask you not to dance.” Thanks a lot, peanut gallery!
1. Stay up late ranking the names of Kim Kardashian’s children, from least awful to most awful. (In case you are curious: North (but go by Nori, obv), Saint, and poor lil’ Chicago is last.)
2. Sleep in late and eat kettle corn and coffee for breakfast. (Doubles as a colon cleanse?! Lol)
3. Chuckle to yourself every time your spouse calls to say how much he appreciates you.
4. Buy four kinds of chocolate candy and share amongst yourselves.
5. Wear your new silk pajama pants you got on clearance from Target.com and slide around the bed laughing so hard you nearly pee yourself while your sister jokes about your Bangkok-inspired sleepwear choices. (They were a steal at TEN DOLLARS and worth every silky penny!)
This is definitely the first annual sister-getaway of many many more to come. So gimme the scoop ladies—any fun sister getaway traditions you can share?
. . .Oh, and we MIGHT go parasailing. We’ll see.
- Wake up to child staring you in the face.
- Curse as you realize your spouse is fleeing to the spare bedroom.
- Cajole child into chasing down other parent.
- Hide under covers.
- Yell across house to “remind” spouse he has dodged early wake-up approximately 1,572 times this week.
- Cheer for joy as spouse gets up with child.
- Run to spare bedroom.
- Wake up to see child staring at you while holding a toilet bowl brush.
- Reassure your child that yes, they can clean the toilet this morning as promised last night. (WEIRDO CHILD.)
- Yell across house to tell spouse to help child clean toilet.
- Wait for it. . . spouse can’t find the toilet bowl cleaner. Yell the location of the cleaner.
- Discover a dog has joined you in the bed. Realize soon it will be a child.
- Get up and lock door.
- Wait for it. . .child wails upon discovering door is locked.
- Wait two additional minutes for child to return to tell you “Daddy is making you coffee!” A SNEAKY PLOY TO GET YOU UP.
- Lie in bed wide awake smelling coffee.
- Admit defeat.
Happy Saturday morning! At least I have a clean toilet AND coffee!
Did I miss any steps? Share your own. Solidarity sisters.
Really, it is all I need other than my husband, daughter and dogs.
The crate contains my wedding album, a photo from my grandmother I never met of her on her wedding day, the rosary my mother held in her nerve-damaged hands as she witnessed my marriage, and a few other precious keepsakes.
As I surveyed my house, taking photos that will serve as the “before” pictures in case of damage from Irma’s rain and wind, I’m surprised to find myself strangely liberated. The end tables, the stacks of political memoirs and bird identification books and computer programming manuals, the shoes that should have been replaced long ago, it can all be replaced. We will be okay no matter what unfolds.
What would you bring if you had to evacuate?* Would it fit in one yellow crate? I think you’d be surprised to discover that it would.
(*We aren’t under mandatory evacuation but we are most definitely in the “cone of danger” as a Southwest Florida resident. Stay safe one and all. Thank you to all the fire fighters and rescue crews who are sticking around to help others. You are true heroes.)
Four is learning to whistle along with Peppa Pig.
Four is puppet shows and pirouettes.
Four is nonsensical knock-knock jokes and pretending to read clocks.
Four is eating pb&j, cheese sticks and cereal–all before 9AM.
Four is finding loopholes in bedtime rules.
Four is big feelings, and even bigger hugs.
Four is winning at Memory and mastering big-kid puzzles.
Four is I got it!, I know!, I can do it!, and I love you you, mama.
Four is holding on tight to fleeting 6am snuggles.
Happy birthday today to my little girl (who does not seem so little anymore). I looked at what I wrote last year and I can’t believe how much my daughter has grown. I can only begin to imagine what she will be like when I write this next year. Oh, how the time flies.
And because I’m ridiculously sentimental, thinking a lot about the birth memories I shared in The Birth(day) lessons. That nesting-pregnant-woman seems like a child compared to what I have grown into during these last four years. It is truly a joy to watch how much we grow, too, hand-in-hand with our child.
Me at the beginning of holidays:
Me at the end:
I am spent. I have nothing more to give. This morning I sat and stared at my keyboard with nothing to say. Hence the cat memes.
Time to fill my proverbial cup. Books, tea, music, and blessed peace and quiet!
I have decided to take the high road with 2016. I’m done whining. Here is my attempt to make peace with the worst year ever.*
20.16 lessons and gifts from 2016
[amended: this is only parts 1-10 because my kid is mixing paints and that spells trouble.]
Discovering the show “Jane the Virgin.” (A true blessing indeed.)
Continued health for myself, my husband and daughter. (Wow, that is a big one. Probably should have put this before Jane the Virgin.)
My husband watching my daughter so I can write right now, which involves keeping her and her toy drill out of trouble. It is much harder than it sounds.
ALL OF YOU READING THIS. Because for real, the greatest joy is when people care about what you write and then, to blow your mind even more, care about you the human too. Which you do. Which is freaking amazing.
Rediscovering my artistic passions and painting lot’s and lot’s of birds.
7. Singing in my church choir with the greatest bunch of people you could ever meet. I am surrounded by wise, loving elders who cheer me on and lift me up. I LOVE IT.
8. My husband who is still entertaining a child who is now trying to make potions out of toothpaste and dear god I think I’m going to have to split this into two posts.
9. Using my writing to heal.
10. Muddling through the year with tears and laughter– including surrounding myself with Peter Gabriel hugs, by taking cathartic swims, swinging from palm fronds, and leaning on the kindness of strangers like Jeanine.
Items 11 through 20.16 will come tomorrow because my kid is causing ruckus!
*but also I can’t wait to burn this list. Come Saturday night I’m doing a ritual I just learned about. I will write on slips of paper all the things from the past year I want to leave behind. And then I will burn the papers. (My favorite part!) And then I will write on slips of paper what my intentions are for 2017. I will put them in an envelope that I can open in six months or so to see where I’m at. I’m told my mind will be blown.]