- Wake up to child staring you in the face.
- Curse as you realize your spouse is fleeing to the spare bedroom.
- Cajole child into chasing down other parent.
- Hide under covers.
- Yell across house to “remind” spouse he has dodged early wake-up approximately 1,572 times this week.
- Cheer for joy as spouse gets up with child.
- Run to spare bedroom.
- Wake up to see child staring at you while holding a toilet bowl brush.
- Reassure your child that yes, they can clean the toilet this morning as promised last night. (WEIRDO CHILD.)
- Yell across house to tell spouse to help child clean toilet.
- Wait for it. . . spouse can’t find the toilet bowl cleaner. Yell the location of the cleaner.
- Discover a dog has joined you in the bed. Realize soon it will be a child.
- Get up and lock door.
- Wait for it. . .child wails upon discovering door is locked.
- Wait two additional minutes for child to return to tell you “Daddy is making you coffee!” A SNEAKY PLOY TO GET YOU UP.
- Lie in bed wide awake smelling coffee.
- Admit defeat.
Happy Saturday morning! At least I have a clean toilet AND coffee!
Did I miss any steps? Share your own. Solidarity sisters.
I’m currently sitting by myself reading a Sunday NYT and drinking iced coffee. There is free wi-fi and all the children here belong to other people. It’s air-conditioned and there is an endless supply of twizzlers and US Weekly mags.
What is this heaven I speak of? Why, I’m at my regional airport, about to travel solo for a work trip. They pay me to do this can you even believe it?
Such an odd but lovely morning. I made scones but forgot the salt. Oh well. They were still pretty satisfying. But then my kid asked if I forgot the sugar. Goodness no I did not forget the sugar — these are scones not muffins, child!
And then we were late for the annual July 4th parade, but decided to celebrate instead with slurpees. I think I liked this better than the parade. It doesn’t even have a marching band. (The parade, not the 7-11!)
And then on our sticky slog home we were rewarded with a cardinal and grasshopper sighting. Can you get over the size of this grasshopper? They say everything’s bigger in Texas, but it seems to be true for Florida too.
Taking it slow, savoring the gifts. (And even those saltless scones).
Outside the mourning doves are cooing. Inside the house, my daughter is declaring the toast to be too toasty (and her highness is requesting less-toasty toast please!). There is a low whine in the background — the sound of a broken toilet that won’t stop running and that my mediocre plumbing skills are not capable of fixing.
I am wearing a happy birthday hat that my daughter put on my head. I am eating the discarded toasty-toast. It is all glorious because I am also sitting here writing! With my coffee, natch.
Happy Saturday, friends.
I am supposed to be working.
And if I am not working, I should at least be finishing the job application that I keep procrastinating on.
And if I am not working on my resume, I should be doing anything other than staring at the sight of three huge, frosted cupcakes at the table next to me.
Get this: the three elderly people sitting in front of three frosted cupcakes in Starbucks of the Barnes and Noble have still not taken a bite of their cupcakes.
They are slowly sipping coffee. While NOT eating the cupcakes. Just sipping and talking and not devouring them like heathens.
TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.
UPDATE #1: I literally just reread my post to check for typos and several minutes have passed. The elderly male has eaten his cupcake. The elderly woman within my line of sight has still not taken a bite. Is she a Zen master disguised as someone’s white haired grandmother?? Omigod. Now she is flipping through a magazine and not consuming the cupcake.
Speaking of self-control . . . I should get back to my paid work. Or the resume. Or something other than this.
UPDATE #2: Elderly woman has peeled the cupcake liner away from the cupcake but has not taken a bite. It is seven minutes and counting.
The biggest realization with my cleanse? That there are certain positive behaviors I regularly engage in that rely upon other actions (say, brewing a cup of coffee…) that when missing from my routine creates CHAOS.
It turns out that coffee is the gear in our household machinery that, when absent, causes the whole enterprise to fall apart.
I am being super dramatic. But only a little! The thing is, each morning (prior to the cleanse), getting up and making coffee was the springboard to my ENTIRE DAY. With it I would wake up, show up to my computer, write, and then have time to do other positive things like exercise or start work early, or even do a morning sketch.
You might ask, But Sarah, couldn’t you replace making coffee with the act of boiling your water and adding a lemon? Great plan. Yes I also considered this. Guess what. It turns out that leaping out of bed to make hot water with lemon IS NOT A THING.
I have a week left of the cleanse, which by the way is going very well except for the coffee snafu. I am no longer having headaches. I am not even craving caffeine or sugar. I have a butternut squash in my fridge that I plan to eat in some way or another. Kale has been consumed.
But today I am drinking coffee. Decaf coffee. And I am in front of my computer and writing my day is off to a grand start. The missing gear is back!
P.S. guess who is adding a stash of coffee to the hurricane/emergency preparedness supplies? CRISIS AVERTED.
Today I’m savoring my cup of coffee today more than ever.
First of all I have a cross breeze flowing through my house. It is glorious. I opened the back doors to the lanai and the fresh air is tickling my toes! Oh it is a sight to behold. It is officially the time of year in Florida where you can sit with doors open without being drenched in sweat. Glory be!
And did I mention that I have my cuban coffee? We need to talk a little bit more about that.
Today I will have one cup. One kind of weak cup of cuban coffee. (Ugh.)
And in T minus two days I will have no cup of coffee.
For twelve days and twelve nights I will abstain from coffee and other caffeinated substances. I will be resisting the Cheddar Jack Cheeze-its’ siren call. I will give side-eye to the chocolate covered raisins. I might even (gasp) give up cheese.
No, I haven’t gone full blown hippy. Please. I love the hippies but they are not my people.
So what is up?
WELL, I may not be full blown hippy but I am a little bit hippy…cuz guess what, I am doing a CLEANSE!
Let me pause to give you time to roll your eyes.
Ready to move on?
I get it. I am not really sure any actual “science” backs up all the claims people make about cleanses. Pff. Who needs “evidence” or “research”. I am doing it because I did one years ago as part of a yoga class. And, it felt freaking fantastic. Like, I was stunned by how great I felt afterwards. Kind of floored by it actually.
And frankly, I blame Jen Pastiloff. I signed up for her online class and as part of the experience we are doing a ton of self-care, yoga, journaling, all that jazz. And while the cleanse is optional I figured, why not? We are not doing the Beyoncé only-drink-liquids-containing-cayenne cleanse. Hell no. This is all about eating actual food. Just the really boring stuff. Vegetables!! BROWN RICE. NUTS. And if you feel crazy, maybe some kelp and wheat grass juice!!
But no cuban coffees. Let me repeat: NO CUBAN COFFEES. It will just be me and my computer at 6:30 am with some hot water with lemon! Oh that will be fun.
Yes, change is in the air. The lanai doors are now open. The fall breezes are blowing. And sarah will soon be decaffeinated.
Have you done a cleanse? Have you mocked people who have? Share your story.
Good morning everyone. I am here with my coffee and cheese. Oh, you don’t drink coffee with cheese? You must not live with a three-year-old. I inherit all the snacks that are deemed unsuitable (“I DO NOT LIKE THIS KIND OF CHEESE” says the girl who 99.999% of the time likes this kind of cheese. Cheddar, if you were wondering). Yes, I could take the half-eaten cheese and throw it away or put it in the fridge…but mmmm…cheese!
I am going to try to write regularly again. Always with coffee. Sometimes with cheese. You see, I was in this great groove for a while with my blog, pouncing out of bed early and writing nearly daily, and then something odd happened. I discovered that I was drawn to do art work, a long ago buried gift. Now, don’t get me wrong, this was exciting. But suddenly I was faced with the question, do I write or do art? And what about exercise??? (Remember, I live with a three-year-old, so my spare time is limited. And sometimes I freeze when faced with all the possibilities of how to use my spare time. Endless scrolling on Facebook anyone?)
Well, I chose art for a while. I’m sharing some sketches with you all in the interest of practicing vulnerability! Guess what: I like to sketch BIRDS. I know, you are stunned.
Anyway, doing art was well and good for a while. But sometimes getting all the art stuff out and going at 6:30 am—especially around the preschooler who also loves art and wants to join in, and also drinking the coffee, which is a spill-able thing—well it wasn’t working out so well.
Plus I realized that while art is very good for my soul, and connects me to source in a different way, I really, really need my writing. I mean, I don’t even know what I am thinking until I write. And I connect to source in another but different way. Both are good. In an ideal world I would do this stuff all day—write a little, art a little, write a little, art a little more—but until my wealthy patron shows up, I will need to create my art in stolen time.
So duh duh duh duuuuuuh (that was a trumpet if you were wondering), henceforth I shall commence a daily morning writing, with coffee and assorted rejected dairy-products. And at night, watching VEEP (oh my goddess is Julia Louis Dreyfus funny), doing sketches and watercolors and eating popcorn. But not at the same time because hello, grease stains. And exercise will happen…in my sleep, I guess? (Hey, there is such a thing as dream yoga. Maybe I’ll practice that.)