There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt that vulnerability was a weakness to overcome. Not so. I see my strength in my vulnerability.
What I’ve realized is that a lot of my inner work was removing the brushes and brambles that were getting in the way of truly seeing and hearing the part of me that is connected to source. Like when you garden and so many of those fast-growing weeds take over, you can’t truly see the glorious plant hiding behind all the distractions. Once you remove it you can see clearly. Once you start to see clearly, you are much more aware when a weed pops up and you remove it swiftly.
There comes a point where it’s no longer a debate about whether you can trust in you. It is not an arrogance or a hubris but a quiet strength and inner-knowing. Of course you can do it. You were born for this.
If you aren’t there yet, just keep swimming my friend! You will eventually get there. It takes work and perseverance. I believe in you! But like my beautiful spiritual mother always says, it’s not whether I believe in you…do you believe in you?
Can you feel it? A pause between old and new, about to leap, about to step into a new era? No longer in the old world but not quite fully embracing the new. (Though it is here!)
Our beautiful planet and universe cycles onward, one era coming to an end as another just beginning.
The end of an epoch of pain and separation. A world of falsity, of masks, of programming that in every way was designed for us to stray from the truth of who we are for real. A paradigm that was rooted in separateness and lack, an “upside-down world” as I’ve been told in meditation! A place that says we are never enough and must find love outside ourselves…
We are being asked to leap into the new! A world of unity. A world that celebrates what we can do with a unified heart. A world that honors the uniqueness of all the creations – including you – but never at the expense of the whole. An era of remembering who we really are – love, the daughter and sons of source – and divine co-creators in this beautiful adventure of life.
It may feel scary — the unknown can be a scary place. But we have nothing to fear. We know how to do this – it’s in our DNA. In fact, we were born for this.
While I tend to be someone who embraces change with gusto, I’ve certainly had times where unknown freaked me out. In my spiritual path I’ve had to face the grief that comes with the shedding of the old — even when the old stink, stank, stunk! Still had to grieve it. Still felt a little sad parting with my old, dysfunctional bits. But ultimately it was worth it, every single damn time. And as many times I can remember when the new was scary, I can also recall sooooo many times when leaps into the void delivered amazing fantastical gifts. Leaps I wouldn’t regret in a million years.
When things get hard and even feel a little scary, remember the times in your own life when leaping into the unknown ultimately paid off.
The new world is here! Where, you ask, because I see nothing but chaos and despair. And a pandemic. And division. Well, all that’s within the people. If we can let go of what we thought the world was and what we thought it was meant to be, we can let in something new and beautiful. Resist the urge to control and maintain the status quo. Was the status quo really working for anyone anyway?
My husband introduced me to a series of fine literature called the Bathroom Readers. I will admit I judged this book by its cover and assumed them to be crass and tasteless. I was wrong! They are full of “random factiness” (their phrase) and today I read about a very cool resource I wanted to share! (Omg just please don’t picture me on the toilet😳)
Dosomething.or started a free text support line for teens but there was such demand that they opened it up to anyone in need. So many have struggled with mental health during covid. I’m sharing this in case you need support or know someone who does.
Runaways, Homeless, and At-Risk YouthNational Runaway Safeline Call 1-800-786-2929 (24/7) Live Chat 7 days/week, 4:30 to 11:30 PM CST Home Free Family reunification program provides free bus tickets to eligible runaway and homeless youth.
You, my friend, are a divine spark. You are LOVE! ❤️❤️❤️
The system defines your worth in relation to the outside—status, degrees, consumption, skin color, sex. It tells you to relate through pain and suffering. Victims and predators. Biases and separation. That’s all hogwash.
Your worth is inherent. Your true body is a body of light. When you can honor it in yourself, you can honor it in others. The system falls from within when you see it holds no meaning. What we see shaking on the outside is a reflection of the shaking on the inside—the realization that it’s all forking bullshirt!
If you’ve ever doubted the ability for a person to heal themselves, I invite you to look at this blog as exhibit A, B, and C (and D, and E…there aren’t enough letters!) for a person’s ability to transmute their pain. When I started this blog I didn’t know that was the purpose but in hindsight that’s exactly what I was I was doing. Healing myself by shining light into all the dark bits. Over and over again, leaving no rock unturned! I didn’t know the term entrega when I started writing, but that was precisely the power I was calling upon in myself when I decided to start writing–the surrender of ego and willingness to listen to the deep, dark silence and hear the true voice of myself whispering, “write…just five minutes a day. Start there.”
Write I did! I did so much transmuting. Looking back, it’s astonishing as many of you came along for the ride as you did. It’s not what you would call a pretty process now is it?! Writing about miscarriage, loss, trauma, and other heavy stuff. And yet you joined along and many of you passed along pivotal messages and support that helped me through some very dark nights.
This past week brought me full circle, or maybe spiral is a better term, because I have definitely moved up that spiral of life, revisiting it all with new perspectives and understandings. Hopefully learning the lesson each time so I don’t have to repeat them! I’ve jokingly said I’ve died a thousand deaths in the span of seven years but it’s damn near true.
In 2014 I believed the voice I heard on that day pleading with the universe at the stinky beach was something outside of myself. Yesterday, January 29th 2021, I meditated and heard her voice again, and wouldn’t you know she implored me to once again to write for five minutes a day.
I’ve learned it’s definitely wise to heed her voice–and her voice is actually my true voice, I now know–and for me to ignore it would be a huge dishonoring to her, myself, and to you! Which are really one. So, I’m back baby. Five minutes a day. The world is a very different place. My own personal hellish year was 2016-2017, when everyone was flying high and 2020 was just a random vague year in the future. This past year has brought its challenges no doubt, but I weathered them fantastically well considering it all. And yet I stayed silent, not sharing what I’ve learned. It’s time to change that!
I’m back here again, only this time not to transmute but to plant seeds. Some may bloom, others may not. It’s up to the wind to carry them wherever they are meant to go and that’s out of my hands. But I know one of my purposes in life is to spread the seeds of teachings I’ve been given, and this is my tiny start. I hope you enjoy the journey. May it be full of joy and curiosity, love and raw honesty. Blessings and I’ll see you here tomorrow, my butt in the seat for five minutes once again. 😉
Creator, thank you for making me a woman! A woman who can birth worlds! Realities! Children! Hopes, dreams, possibilities A woman who can heal herself, transmute emotions, stare into darkness and find the diamonds hidden within. The woman who can die and be reborn, over and over again The woman who can rebuild the worldContinue reading “Thank you for making me a woman”
Earlier this week I was part of a video chat with my spiritual sisterhood to talk about what it means to face the dark feminine energy and do shadow work. You can watch our video here! What is the dark feminine? She’s the shadow side of our authentic being which is a body of light,Continue reading “Doing the shadow work and facing the dark feminine”
There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt thatContinue reading “Believing in you”
I thought I’d introduce myself to readers new and old. Lots has changed since I started this blog!
We’re all in this space of rebirth, even the planet herself as she rages with fires of purification and waters of renewal. Personally, I’m being called to bring more of my self outward after a long (very long) inward journey. It’s a little scary stepping out!! But I know can’t keep the wisdom or the lessons to the myself because they aren’t mine to begin with. They’re meant to be shared with you dear reader!
When I started this blog my world felt topsy turvy and rightly so because many MANY things in my little world came crashing down. All of them for good reason, though I didn’t know it at the time! I came to understand that the old ways just wouldn’t work anymore. Something was calling me home to myself and the whole situation was at times ridiculously confusing to me. Everything I had attachments to–wanting to have another child,wanting to start a proper career in the law–crumbled like dust. I look back at that confused, exhausted and tapped out woman and I hardly recognizer her as me. That was seven years ago but might has well have been many lifetimes ago!
Recently after working with some clients who are really struggling, I was thinking about how so many in the world are at their root needing hope. I thought, wow if only people knew that it will be ok, they will be ok! And then with the subtly of a cartoon piano falling from the sky, I heard source cackling at me going, GEE IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD SHARE THEIR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF LIVING THROUGH DESPAIR AND COMING OUT BETTER THAN EVER AT THE END. Ohhhhh. So that’s what you want me to do! (Face palm. Lol)
Our world en masse is facing so much and reckoning with so much. But there is nothing to fear. There is a grander plan that is pushing you to a place that will bring you home to yourself, urging you or in some cases bonking you over the head with the message! So many are living through nothing short of terror, with fires raging outside their door, pandemics lurking outside the masks, protests roaring in the streets. Breathe deep. This is the definition of an initiation and is painful and hard. Frankly it sucks. It is meant to wake you from your slumber. I’s awakening medicine in yourself you didn’t know you had, gifts that were dormant. Lives longing to be lived.
We aren’t of this world of pain and suffering and joy is our birthright. Hard to see when the world is burning but keep in mind the old must fall before the new rises. Whatever you are going through, know I send you love and blessings that you path through it all with as much ease and grace possible.
(Also, that’s a tiny orchid in the picture which may just be my new favorite flower. So tiny! So cute! Let’s hope I don’t kill it. I may be life itself but my inability to keep orchids alive might cast doubt on that assertion…)