Believing in you

There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt that vulnerability was a weakness to overcome. Not so. I see my strength in my vulnerability.

What I’ve realized is that a lot of my inner work was removing the brushes and brambles that were getting in the way of truly seeing and hearing the part of me that is connected to source. Like when you garden and so many of those fast-growing weeds take over, you can’t truly see the glorious plant hiding behind all the distractions. Once you remove it you can see clearly. Once you start to see clearly, you are much more aware when a weed pops up and you remove it swiftly.

There comes a point where it’s no longer a debate about whether you can trust in you. It is not an arrogance or a hubris but a quiet strength and inner-knowing. Of course you can do it. You were born for this.

If you aren’t there yet, just keep swimming my friend! You will eventually get there. It takes work and perseverance. I believe in you! But like my beautiful spiritual mother always says, it’s not whether I believe in you…do you believe in you?

“Awakening – Leap of Faith” – beautiful art by Holly Sierra Artwork available for purchase on Etsy

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The greatest help

The greatest help we can give to others is doing the work to reach ourselves.

We can’t control what others project onto us, but we can determine what we send into the world. When we are our own best friend we are able to heal, transmute, align, and BE who we came here to be.

It’s easy to get lost in the hall of mirrors when you look for the answers outside of yourself, or try to “fix” or “help” others. What you need to address is within.

When you reach yourself you become an example to others who are seeking the same within themselves. And that is truly a help.

Beautiful art by https://www.cristinaacosta.com/

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What the world needs now is love sweet love!

Love in its pure form – all the distorted beliefs within yourself dropped.

Love in its freedom– the heart aligned with the mind, working together in harmony, discernment and expression together!

Love unshackled from pain – the small heart–the one that’s felt so many losses, pains, betrayals–healed by the higher heart connected to source.

Love sweet love.

Image source: https://www.123greetings.com/love/love_etc/sweet_love.html

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“Dear universe: can you stop sending me so many @!!holes to deal with…”

“Dear universe: can you stop sending me so many @!!holes to deal with. I’m very tired of some of the actors who’ve been sent to interact with me in my hologram. I’d like to request some recasting or maybe even fun guest stars or scene changes! Thank you for your attention to this matter. Sincerely, Sarah.”

Oh goody! A response. That was quick! Let’s see what it says:

“Request denied. Life lessons in progress; see: honing skills in entrega (surrender)”.

Hmmm….there must be a mistake, how do I appeal this? Oh, here’s some fine print on the back:

  • “Did you really think we’d have an appeal process? Own your power, align with the one who created you, you got this!”

Ok, I see how you’re gonna play. Fine. One star review coming your way….

  • “Review feature currently disabled. We are not interested in your ego’s review of the situation.”

—-> Do you have any complaints that have been rejected like mine? Let me know how your your requests are being received because this is getting ridiculous!

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Back where I started, but in a new place

If you’ve ever doubted the ability for a person to heal themselves, I invite you to look at this blog as exhibit A, B, and C (and D, and E…there aren’t enough letters!) for a person’s ability to transmute their pain. When I started this blog I didn’t know that was the purpose but in hindsight that’s exactly what I was I was doing. Healing myself by shining light into all the dark bits. Over and over again, leaving no rock unturned! I didn’t know the term entrega when I started writing, but that was precisely the power I was calling upon in myself when I decided to start writing–the surrender of ego and willingness to listen to the deep, dark silence and hear the true voice of myself whispering, “write…just five minutes a day. Start there.”

Write I did! I did so much transmuting. Looking back, it’s astonishing as many of you came along for the ride as you did. It’s not what you would call a pretty process now is it?! Writing about miscarriage, loss, trauma, and other heavy stuff. And yet you joined along and many of you passed along pivotal messages and support that helped me through some very dark nights.

This past week brought me full circle, or maybe spiral is a better term, because I have definitely moved up that spiral of life, revisiting it all with new perspectives and understandings. Hopefully learning the lesson each time so I don’t have to repeat them! I’ve jokingly said I’ve died a thousand deaths in the span of seven years but it’s damn near true.

In 2014 I believed the voice I heard on that day pleading with the universe at the stinky beach was something outside of myself. Yesterday, January 29th 2021, I meditated and heard her voice again, and wouldn’t you know she implored me to once again to write for five minutes a day.

I’ve learned it’s definitely wise to heed her voice–and her voice is actually my true voice, I now know–and for me to ignore it would be a huge dishonoring to her, myself, and to you! Which are really one. So, I’m back baby. Five minutes a day. The world is a very different place. My own personal hellish year was 2016-2017, when everyone was flying high and 2020 was just a random vague year in the future. This past year has brought its challenges no doubt, but I weathered them fantastically well considering it all. And yet I stayed silent, not sharing what I’ve learned. It’s time to change that!

I’m back here again, only this time not to transmute but to plant seeds. Some may bloom, others may not. It’s up to the wind to carry them wherever they are meant to go and that’s out of my hands. But I know one of my purposes in life is to spread the seeds of teachings I’ve been given, and this is my tiny start. I hope you enjoy the journey. May it be full of joy and curiosity, love and raw honesty. Blessings and I’ll see you here tomorrow, my butt in the seat for five minutes once again. 😉

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Believing in you

There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt thatContinue reading “Believing in you”

The greatest help

The greatest help we can give to others is doing the work to reach ourselves. We can’t control what others project onto us, but we can determine what we send into the world. When we are our own best friend we are able to heal, transmute, align, and BE who we came here to be.Continue reading “The greatest help”

Opening the door

I thought I had writer’s block. For three months (almost) I despaired that the writing gods had gone away and it was officially over. No more. All hope was lost.

What I did not see (or more accurately, did not want to see) was that I was avoiding my truth.

We write to expose the unexposed. If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must. Otherwise, you’ll just be rearranging furniture in rooms you’ve already been in. Most human beings are dedicated to keeping that one door shut. But the writer’s job is to see what’s behind it, to see the bleak unspeakable stuff, and to turn the unspeakable into words–not just into any words but if we can, into rhythm and blues.

ANNE LAMOTT, Bird by Bird

I didn’t want to look behind the door. Behind the door was pain and despair, and only a writer would want to open that door!

I forgot that I write in order to know myself. It isn’t optional, this writing thing. It is core to my being and how I experience the world. I need to put words on the page–whether anyone sees them or not. I have over a hundred “draft” posts in my blog for that reason. The truth needs to be seen–even if only be me in the early light of the morning.

None of that can happen if I don’t sit in this chair. So sit in this chair I will, once again. Some days it will appear that I wasn’t writing, but those are days that I need to see my own truth before I can share it with the larger world. And then you too can have a glimpse into these rooms.

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Sunrise, sunset! Wherein I (quietly) proclaim the genius of lesson #3

The kiddo was up very early today which meant one thing: I had to blog, just like old times! All those early mornings where I wrote as the sun rose. The days where writing daily was a necessary part of my routine.

I got to thinking about it all. How writing was a daily ritual of healing. Only now can I see what a courageous and life-sustaining act it truly was. Day by day, scrubbing away pain and loss. Transmuting the pain. And now, today on August 2, 2017, the fact is that there is so much less pain to transmute – the main reason I don’t feel the need to write as frequently. A good problem to have, no?

In hindsight I have so many questions for my former self. Why did you, former Sarah, take so long to start writing?  Why didn’t you start using anti-aging face cream sooner? And why oh why did you sit in that suffering place for so damn long?  (Ever notice that “why didn’t I let myself suffer longer?” has been asked by nobody ever.)

There are a lot of reasons. But mostly it is because I hadn’t learned lesson 3.

Memes, Pain, and Truth: I. You must let  the pain  visit.  2. You must allow  it to teach you  3. You must not  allow it to overstay.  Ijeoma Umebinyuo  three routes to healing Truth from @thisspirituallife

This is from the incredible Nigerian poet Ijeoma Umebinyuo. I remember the day I discovered this – I wanted to shout from the rooftops: “THIS! THIS!!!! LESSON NUMBER THREE! THIS IS WHERE IT’S AT PEOPLE! Don’t let it overstay!

(Thankfully I did not proclaim it from the rooftops. Probably good since my neighborhood is full of highly suspicious retirees who would likely bring such an incident to the attention of the HOA.)

Touch and release. Touch and release. So freaking hard. Feel the feels but don’t succumb to them. Swimming without wearing a huge heavy backpack. (It just weighs you down and plus everything inside gets wet. Who wants that?!)

It takes a helluva lot of courage to set down the backpack full of feels. Once you do, you realize what a heavy weight it had been. Really, it doesn’t need to overstay its welcome. Bye Felicia.

Anyway where am I going with this post? OH yes, sunrises, sunsets! Sunrises full of writing and healing and transmuting pain. Sunsets of saying goodbye to the pain. Lesson number three. Touch and release. Healing. Dropping the heavy backpack at the shore so you can swim. 

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