Say WHAT?!

Offspring (age 4): “When we go to the library everybody is going to say, “what’s that smell?”

Me: (Hesitate –but curiosity gets the best of me.)  “uh, what smells?”

Offspring: “You! You smell like a turtle and a hamster fighting in a trash bag.”

SAY WHAT. I BATHED TODAY KID. I EVEN USED DEODORANT.

 

Even the dog is like, say what. Exactly Parker. (He contorted himself into this position all by himself. Looney toon household I tell you.)

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17 easy steps to sleeping in as a parent!

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  1. Wake up to child staring you in the face.
  2. Curse as you realize your spouse is fleeing to the spare bedroom.
  3. Cajole child into chasing down other parent.
  4. Hide under covers.
  5. Yell across house to “remind” spouse he has dodged early wake-up approximately 1,572 times this week.
  6. Cheer for joy as spouse gets up with child.
  7. Run to spare bedroom.
  8. Wake up to see child staring at you while holding a toilet bowl brush.
  9. Reassure your child that yes, they can clean the toilet this morning as promised last night. (WEIRDO CHILD.)
  10. Yell across house to tell spouse to help child clean toilet.
  11. Wait for it. . . spouse can’t find the toilet bowl cleaner. Yell the location of the cleaner.
  12. Discover a dog has joined you in the bed. Realize soon it will be a child.
  13. Get up and lock door.
  14. Wait for it. . .child wails upon discovering door is locked.
  15. Wait two additional minutes for child to return to tell you “Daddy is making you coffee!” A SNEAKY PLOY TO GET YOU UP.
  16. Lie in bed wide awake smelling coffee.
  17. Admit defeat. 

 

Happy Saturday morning! At least I have a clean toilet AND coffee! 

Did I miss any steps? Share your own. Solidarity sisters.

BBQ tour of south (AKA hurricane Irma evacuation)

We are in Dothan, AL, still making our trek west of Irma. She’s a beast. She’s literally like, ha ha you thought you could escape me? Naw I’m gonna go straight up Florida and Georgia and even toward Alabama, you crazy Floridians who thought you could run from me!

The silver lining is that our dream of a BBQ tour of the south is becoming a reality. Last night we are ate a local chain called Full Moon BBQ. It was amazing. My husband ate his entire meal and I kid you not went back to order extra ribs, they were so good.

Today we head further west to Meridian, MS. We will be there for at least three nights with an upgrade in amenities. Kitchenette?! Heck yeah! Free hot breakfast? Bring it on!

👍Tip for evacuees: once you know where you are headed, Priceline has some “express deals” for hotels in places where otherwise no bookings to be found. You select star level and don’t find out the hotel until you book. But really, who doesn’t love a surprise? I mean other than discovering a 🐱5 hurricane is headed your way. That’s not a fun surprise.

If anyone has BBQ joint recommendations in central-East Mississippi, send ’em my way.