I've had a huge amount of crap healing work surface this past week. The kind of stuff that a year from now I will look back on and muse, that was so powerful and worth every painful moment. But when you are living it? Total and utter bologna. In fact, I have decided 2016 has … Continue reading The Final Push (This Might Hurt)
I started this blog a little more than a year ago and so much has changed in that time. I thought about this earlier this week as I rolled a pie crust, dancing to Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett, belting out old standards that my mom loved. I felt so much joy. This was possibly … Continue reading A year later: broken open but not broken
My mom was 43 years old the day that she listened to the voice. Five years older than I am as I type this. She listened and so she lived. To see graduations, birthdays, weddings, births. To adopt new identities: Mother-in-Law, Great-Aunt, and yes, even Grandmother. When my mother paused in the kitchen that day to listen, perhaps with … Continue reading Choosing to Dance: My Mother’s Breast Cancer Story
Today has been melancholy. Blah. So MONDAY-ish. Maybe it was the return to work after a great day at the beach with dear friends who were visiting from out-of-state. Maybe it was the post-deathversary-grief. (Grief, after all, is the gift that keeps on giving.) Maybe it was that first thing this morning what did I … Continue reading Squirrels, diiiiiings and a cause for celebration!
Remembering my beautiful mom today. I continue to draw sustenance from her love. In the redwood ecosystem, buds for future trees are contained in pods called burls, tough brown knobs that cling to the bark of the mother tree. When the mother tree is logged, blown over, or destroyed by fire –when, in other words, … Continue reading Redwood Ecosystems and Life After Death
End of the Beginning by James Northrup Someone said we begin to die the minute we're born. Death is a part of life. Who knows why the Creator thins the herd. Another old saying says we must all be prepared to give up those we love or die first. Take time to mourn. Take time … Continue reading Take time to remember
I was going to write about grief but even I am tired of writing about grief. I know, you probably didn't think it was possible. I gotta say you all are pretty awesome for hanging with me. I often astound myself by how much I can write about it. (I mean hello it is why I started … Continue reading I’ve officially tired of writing about grief. P.s. Caillou has FAILED me.
I don't want to brag or anything but yesterday I vacuumed my floor and I thought about dusting a few surfaces. And I bathed my child. But then she put brown marker all over her legs because she apparently wants "faces of her daddy" on her upper thigh. Which would be sweet but shit now it looks like … Continue reading To Every Thing There is a (Lizard) Season
We never know when we might be channeling some light. Or reflecting light. I don't know how it all works. All I know is that yesterday was one of those magical days where it felt like everyone was in the right place at the right time. Yesterday I took my seat in church choir rehearsal … Continue reading Calling All Angels
This is a story about muffin tops, intentions, art, and rainbows. Yes, those muffin tops. The kind you jiggle in front of the mirror and make scrunched up faces at. I had a conversation with mine recently. I said, what gives little muffin top? I am doing yoga and swimming almost daily -- which is wonderful … Continue reading The Rainbow