“Dear universe: can you stop sending me so many @!!holes to deal with. I’m very tired of some of the actors who’ve been sent to interact with me in my hologram. I’d like to request some recasting or maybe even fun guest stars or scene changes! Thank you for your attention to this matter. Sincerely, Sarah.”
Oh goody! A response. That was quick! Let’s see what it says:
“Request denied. Life lessons in progress; see: honing skills in entrega (surrender)”.
Hmmm….there must be a mistake, how do I appeal this? Oh, here’s some fine print on the back:
“Did you really think we’d have an appeal process? Own your power, align with the one who created you, you got this!”
Ok, I see how you’re gonna play. Fine. One star review coming your way….
“Review feature currently disabled. We are not interested in your ego’s review of the situation.”
—-> Do you have any complaints that have been rejected like mine? Let me know how your your requests are being received because this is getting ridiculous!
As the feminine energy rises, anything distorted in our lives will be thrown into most obvious chaos. The call is for us to heal the distortion and bring her back into balance in ourselves. The outer will follow.
My own tendency when life is thrown into chaos–and it’s happened plenty of times, 2018 being a particularly doozy–is to desperately cling to that outer world falling apart and try to “fix it.” Speaking of 2018, I remember a desperate phone call that year to my spiritual mother explaining the SEVERE anxiety my then five-year-old was experiencing. She said, mijita, your daughter is feeling you. She’s feeling your pain. DAMN. No mother wants to hear that they are the cause of their child’s suffering, and yet don’t you know that she was correct. I did some intense inner work, healing, transmuting and sure enough my daughter responded in kind. The anxiety practically disappeared over night.
Patriarchy has told us that the way to resolving any conflict is through the outside, but the feminine ways teach us to go inward and then bring those truths out. Our world is in chaos because humans are in chaos. As we each do our work we’ll create a ripple that brings alignment back to ourselves and our communities.
If I look to the outside–the male way–and I see people dishonoring me, this can be mirror to my interior.*
If the people dishonoring me are men, it’s easy to point the finger at misogyny. But where is that inside myself?
Where do I belittle the still knowing voice inside me that speaks for the highest good of everyone? Where do I ignore her, speak over her, or try to control her? Certainly I see this behavior in the outside world all the time – but where am I doing it inside myself? (This looking inside me, this is the feminine way.)
Honor is a revelation. Once I honor this voice, and embody her truth, everything changes outside me too.
*My teacher also taught me about the concept of reflection and refraction. Sometimes the outer is pointing to your own inner stuff–but sometimes it’s not. You know, not your circus, not your monkeys.
If you’ve ever doubted the ability for a person to heal themselves, I invite you to look at this blog as exhibit A, B, and C (and D, and E…there aren’t enough letters!) for a person’s ability to transmute their pain. When I started this blog I didn’t know that was the purpose but in hindsight that’s exactly what I was I was doing. Healing myself by shining light into all the dark bits. Over and over again, leaving no rock unturned! I didn’t know the term entrega when I started writing, but that was precisely the power I was calling upon in myself when I decided to start writing–the surrender of ego and willingness to listen to the deep, dark silence and hear the true voice of myself whispering, “write…just five minutes a day. Start there.”
Write I did! I did so much transmuting. Looking back, it’s astonishing as many of you came along for the ride as you did. It’s not what you would call a pretty process now is it?! Writing about miscarriage, loss, trauma, and other heavy stuff. And yet you joined along and many of you passed along pivotal messages and support that helped me through some very dark nights.
This past week brought me full circle, or maybe spiral is a better term, because I have definitely moved up that spiral of life, revisiting it all with new perspectives and understandings. Hopefully learning the lesson each time so I don’t have to repeat them! I’ve jokingly said I’ve died a thousand deaths in the span of seven years but it’s damn near true.
In 2014 I believed the voice I heard on that day pleading with the universe at the stinky beach was something outside of myself. Yesterday, January 29th 2021, I meditated and heard her voice again, and wouldn’t you know she implored me to once again to write for five minutes a day.
I’ve learned it’s definitely wise to heed her voice–and her voice is actually my true voice, I now know–and for me to ignore it would be a huge dishonoring to her, myself, and to you! Which are really one. So, I’m back baby. Five minutes a day. The world is a very different place. My own personal hellish year was 2016-2017, when everyone was flying high and 2020 was just a random vague year in the future. This past year has brought its challenges no doubt, but I weathered them fantastically well considering it all. And yet I stayed silent, not sharing what I’ve learned. It’s time to change that!
I’m back here again, only this time not to transmute but to plant seeds. Some may bloom, others may not. It’s up to the wind to carry them wherever they are meant to go and that’s out of my hands. But I know one of my purposes in life is to spread the seeds of teachings I’ve been given, and this is my tiny start. I hope you enjoy the journey. May it be full of joy and curiosity, love and raw honesty. Blessings and I’ll see you here tomorrow, my butt in the seat for five minutes once again. 😉
There was a point not that long ago where I didn’t trust myself. It’s strange to remember this struggle because it no longer dominates my thinking. This isn’t to say I don’t get scared or feel vulnerable — I do, and paradoxically it was precisely when the ego was in charge that I felt thatContinue reading “Believing in you”
The greatest help we can give to others is doing the work to reach ourselves. We can’t control what others project onto us, but we can determine what we send into the world. When we are our own best friend we are able to heal, transmute, align, and BE who we came here to be.Continue reading “The greatest help”
Can you feel it? A pause between old and new, about to leap, about to step into a new era? No longer in the old world but not quite fully embracing the new. (Though it is here!) Our beautiful planet and universe cycles onward, one era coming to an end as another just beginning. TheContinue reading “We are in between places”
If a strong, intense emotional landmark arises, see it as a launching pad to take you higher.
Welcome the movement after years, decades, lifetimes of stagnation.
This can be hard when it relates to trauma. Our instinct is to shy away from the overwhelming sensations associated with pain. Our mind wants to convince us that we must stop feeling it at all costs or we will never stop feeling it. Not true.
Instead think of it as a balloon that is popped. The initial sound might startle or frighten but the release is immediate and swift. Poof, gone! Drive the intensity in your favor. Instead of letting it take you in loops round and round (the same old story) let it be a momentum to take you up and out of the old stale story. “That was what my body held, but it is no more, especially after this very intense release!”
Time doesn’t heal—love does! Meet yourself with love and a willingness to see it from a higher perspective. That makes so much difference!
Earlier this week I had a rough couple of days where I found myself navigating a ton of dense energy. After I emerged to the other side I started thinking about what it taught me. I was surprised to find all this stuff pour out of me, a list really of the ways I’ve learned to manage energy in hard times. I thought, I’ve got to share this!
So here it is, the first part of most likely a longer list of…
Things to remember when you are passing through hard times:
Nothing is permanent, not even this moment of crappiness! Ride the wave.
Is this even my energy that I’m feeing? Am I feeling a loved one who might be in pain? Is this collective energy? Is this ancestral? Step back and assess. Sometimes knowing that makes a big difference.
Am I under attack?
Is it heyoka energy? (The trickster!) Don’t buy it– this energy is here to test me and poke at me! I don’t have to take the bait!
I AM not this…return to the center, the source, the larger heart!
Observe the emotion but don’t identify with it!
Is something rising up to be released? Observe and release it! Don’t judge the experience.
Can I see it from another perspective?
What’s the medicine? What is this experience teaching me…can I uncover the lesson? What gifts are coming about because of this experience?
Have I asked for divine assistance? I have free will. I must ask for guidance, protection, help, etc…
I’m never alone! Feel into the love of the mother/source/God/the divine I AM presence.
I thought I’d introduce myself to readers new and old. Lots has changed since I started this blog!
We’re all in this space of rebirth, even the planet herself as she rages with fires of purification and waters of renewal. Personally, I’m being called to bring more of my self outward after a long (very long) inward journey. It’s a little scary stepping out!! But I know can’t keep the wisdom or the lessons to the myself because they aren’t mine to begin with. They’re meant to be shared with you dear reader!
When I started this blog my world felt topsy turvy and rightly so because many MANY things in my little world came crashing down. All of them for good reason, though I didn’t know it at the time! I came to understand that the old ways just wouldn’t work anymore. Something was calling me home to myself and the whole situation was at times ridiculously confusing to me. Everything I had attachments to–wanting to have another child,wanting to start a proper career in the law–crumbled like dust. I look back at that confused, exhausted and tapped out woman and I hardly recognizer her as me. That was seven years ago but might has well have been many lifetimes ago!
Recently after working with some clients who are really struggling, I was thinking about how so many in the world are at their root needing hope. I thought, wow if only people knew that it will be ok, they will be ok! And then with the subtly of a cartoon piano falling from the sky, I heard source cackling at me going, GEE IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD SHARE THEIR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF LIVING THROUGH DESPAIR AND COMING OUT BETTER THAN EVER AT THE END. Ohhhhh. So that’s what you want me to do! (Face palm. Lol)
Our world en masse is facing so much and reckoning with so much. But there is nothing to fear. There is a grander plan that is pushing you to a place that will bring you home to yourself, urging you or in some cases bonking you over the head with the message! So many are living through nothing short of terror, with fires raging outside their door, pandemics lurking outside the masks, protests roaring in the streets. Breathe deep. This is the definition of an initiation and is painful and hard. Frankly it sucks. It is meant to wake you from your slumber. I’s awakening medicine in yourself you didn’t know you had, gifts that were dormant. Lives longing to be lived.
We aren’t of this world of pain and suffering and joy is our birthright. Hard to see when the world is burning but keep in mind the old must fall before the new rises. Whatever you are going through, know I send you love and blessings that you path through it all with as much ease and grace possible.